[NoKids]

remember "deep thoughts by jack handey" on snl? i tried to find clips on youtube but it's all a bunch of homemade videos due to copyright violations. everything is about money these days, i can't even download a comedy clip 10 years old without having to pay for it.

here is one of my favorites:

"I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky." Just then the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh. "



"I bet for an indian, shooting an old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow as she fires her shotgun into the ground is like the top thing you can do."




"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes. "




"If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, forget em’, cause, man, they’re gone. "




"To me, it’s a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?” you can say, “Sorry, got these sacks.” "


http://www.accesswave.ca/~mccorm/deepthoughts.htm

[PLAYON]

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

[PLAYON]

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

[PLAYON]

If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.

[NoKids]

Originally Posted by PLAYON

If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.

hahaa