[guardianangel3290]

i have to write a how-to speech for my public speaking class tomorrow.

I was gonna write about "how-to hit the g-spot" but i dont think my teacher would appreciate the humor lol

i need some funny topics quick

[nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn]

How to write a how to speech

[Tondtar]

Georg Bush's Presidency





Wait ...Sorry. That was not that funny at all

[MCMLXXXIX]

i didnt know class clowns still exist after high school

[MontegoGoGoGo]

How to get an A on a speech; stop every now an then and compliment your teacher.



How to be a cougar hunter, especially if your teacher is an older woman.

[guardianangel3290]

Originally Posted by MCMLXXXIX

i didnt know class clowns still exist after high school

Here's the way I see it.

None of my classmates particularly want to hear what I have to say. It's becasue they would like the class credits and not of their own free will that they are listening to my speech, therefor the least I can do is be entertaining. If I can stay within the parameters of the prompt, while simultaniously lightening the mood and perhaps making the 6-7 minutes of class when its my turn to present a little more bearable, then I consider my speech a success.


BTW, im writing about how to win an argument lol

I'll post it up when im finished

[Jammin Jason]

i say go for the gspot topic

edit:

FUCK IT THUG LIFE.

even if you fail, youll make an impression.
as long as you do very well on the final, youre good

[ejazbmw]

i took public speaking my first year of college i use to BS everything but I'm really good at thinking on top of my head so i just made my up speeches as i went along lol

[immiketoo]

Originally Posted by MontegoGoGoGo

How to get an A on a speech; stop every now an then and compliment your teacher.



How to be a cougar hunter, especially if your teacher is an older woman.

Brownie points for cougars? Devious

This was one of my favorite classes. The teacher would hand us scraps of paper with topics on them and say "Go" We had 5 min of BS time to speak. Entertaining is always the way to go in class...

Lets see the speech!

[Synergy]

"How not to get caught when asking people on forums to sign off on your community service hours"

[Topless 335i]

The N54 is faster than a veyron.

[TiAg335i]

why don't you write a speech about how to be a pimp

cuz that's all i ever see from your posts.

[immiketoo]

Originally Posted by Synergy

"How not to get caught when asking people on forums to sign off on your community service hours"

Now THAT would be funny!

[MCMLXXXIX]

Originally Posted by guardianangel3290

Here's the way I see it.

None of my classmates particularly want to hear what I have to say. It's becasue they would like the class credits and not of their own free will that they are listening to my speech, therefor the least I can do is be entertaining. If I can stay within the parameters of the prompt, while simultaniously lightening the mood and perhaps making the 6-7 minutes of class when its my turn to present a little more bearable, then I consider my speech a success.


BTW, im writing about how to win an argument lol

I'll post it up when im finished

lol thats a good way to look at it

Originally Posted by Synergy

"How not to get caught when asking people on forums to sign off on your community service hours"

followed by a "how to get banned off a forum for free speech and opinions"

[guardianangel3290]

How to Argue

I argue well, nay I argue very well, actually. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any subject at any time. Its not that I’m particularly knowledgeable about whatever subject or point of view I may be defending, I’m simply well versed in the ways of various, powerful argumentative techniques, of which I will share a few with you today.

Number one: Drink Liquor
Now let’s suppose you’re at a party. The quest for beer pong immortality is being actively pursued by those in the kitchen. "Guitar guy" has a wealth of disheveled young women amorously hanging on every note of Wonderwall. There’s a drunken man clad in an array of various Ed Hardy products growling at women as he proceeds to the nearest mirror. Some of the sober attendees may even be folding dollar bills into shirts for the less fortunate, but whatever. Suddenly a know it all type walks up with a fancy mixed drink and begins to speak effortlessly about the economic climate of southeastern Asia and the tribulations their people have been forced to endure over the years.
If you’re there sipping innocently from a juice box, chances are you’re going be forced to watch in awe as your women is thoroughly ravaged by the knowledge this man apparently possesses about current world affairs. Now let’s suppose that instead of that little box apple juice, you’re indulging yourself with a bottle of Jack. Words will construct themselves seemingly from the ether and flow from your lips in a coherent manner worthy of a guest appearance on Real Time with Bill Maher. You will argue convincingly, surrounding furniture will be cast asunder and some who possess a weak constitution may even be forced to leave the room.

Number two: Make things up
Many people are mislead into thinking that in order to present a valid argument; said argument must in fact be truthful. That’s Busch League. Now let’s assume we’re still engaged in the Southeastern Asia argument and you would like to express your opinion on the wages of sweatshop workers. If you were to simply state “I think they’re under paid”, it makes you sound unsure, which in turn leaves you vulnerable to a counter argument. A more substantial statement would be like “In 1981, the average sweatshop worker employed in Laos made only about 2000 royal class yen a month. This number converted into dollars and adjusted to the inflation rate of 38%, which is the accepted USDA/ NATO rate since 1980, comes out to only about $9 a month in today’s money. Which, as I’m sure you’ve already deduced for yourself, is a bit below the UN’s mean gross poverty line.” ALWAYS USE EXACT FIGURES. If your opponent asks you where you got your information from, make that up too. Simply say something like “This information comes from Dr. Leonardo Moon's study for the Binford Commission, published in 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say "You left your soiled underwear in my pool house." Your woman will remain firmly within the throws of your love and your adversary will be left confused and scrambling to assemble a counter argument, which surely will never be able me match the grandiose heights to which your argument has just ascended.

Number three: Use big words
A very wise man… once said “Your opponent cannot argue against that which he cannot understand.” The strategic deployment of multifarious words and phrases is a debater’s oldest and most lethal of techniques. Besides winning the argument, which of course is always your primary objective, an effective side-quest should be to ensure that your challenger be sent home with a long list of words for which to research that were derived of your terminological legerdemain.

Now on some unfortunate occasions, you may be fighting a losing battle. In these very special times, when winning the argument outright may be just outside the realm of possibility, you must make sure that your opponent cannot win either. Because when nobody is a winner, you haven’t lost.

Number four: Use snappy and extraneous comebacks.
You must possess an arsenal of all-purpose and irrelevant phrases for which to fire back at your opponent when he manages to produce a valid point.
My favorites are:
You're avoiding the point.
Don't compare apples and oranges.
You're being defensive
What are your parameters?
This last one is especially valuable. Nobody, other than mathematicians, has the vaguest idea what 'parameters' mean when drunk. Here's how to use your comebacks:
Say you’re engaged in a heated debate, and in the course of trying to make up a weighty quote, you say: "As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873..." to which your opponent counters "Lincoln died in 1865." You then say "You're avoiding the point."
OR
You say "Liberians, like most other Asians..." To which your opponent replies "Liberia is in Africa." You would then say "You're being defensive."

Number five: Compare your opponent to a socialist dictator.
This is truly your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously the victor and you are so gloriously wrong. Bring up… Stalin, ever so subtly. State: "That sounds suspiciously like something Joseph Stalin might say." Remember, this is the epitome of a “last resort”. When making the decision to refer to someone as a genocidal totalitarian, you must keep in mind that this will sever all ability to retreat and you must now explain the basis of your accusations. The use of aforementioned “snappy comebacks” may come in handy here as well.

In Closing, keep in mind these five basic principles and remember the acronym DLMTUUBWUSECCOTSC (drink liquor, make things up, use big words, use snappy and extraneous comebacks, compare opponent to socialist dictator). You may find it easier to think of it as “dogs love meat too undercooked. Unless badgers win unanimously, several exotic crustaceans could oust the senate copiously”. If you do this, I trust you will find it easy and perhaps even entertaining, to out-argue anybody.
Good luck and god speed.

[SpacE82]

Awesome...fucking awesome...thats all I can say haha. I would give you an "A"

[JB135i]

Not bad, not bad at all. Be sure to post up how you did!