The stupidest things we did to get laid....

Naz24 · 09-23-2016, 05:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lups

Odds are not in my favor to win this but since I'm bored, I'll play.

In my defense, I want to say girls truly imagine men as complicated creatures until we learn the hard way. Which I did.

I was dating this man, about six years my senior when I was about 17. He was completely freaked out because of our age difference (and no, no laws against us) and I spent months trying to get into his pants. I was awesome! Tall, pretty, athletic and his mother hated my guts, what more can a man want?!

So at some point I decided to give up. Clearly he wasn't in to me (in so many ways!) even after we spent all our time together. Finally I decided we were just going to be friends who kissed and did other stuff and decided to move on.

His mother and my grandmother were friends (both of them horrible bitches btw) so I saw it fit to kill the relationship and his bitch of a mother with one stone. I told my grandma in the strictest confidence that he was gay, and I was just his beard. I told her never to tell anyone, so she saw it fit to announce it to all their friends in half an hour.

Every story needs a happy ending and I got mine! I really recommend angry sex to everyone.

Anyway, the reputation stuck with him for a long time with the garden party people and his mother still hates me more than words can say. I still can't regret it much.

This absolutely just made my morning.

Dang3r · 09-23-2016, 06:24 AM

In this case thats a "No", because into that car the shift knob was a drilled and threaded Billiard black 8

Naz24 · 09-23-2016, 06:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dang3r

Was into deepest winter time and we drove into the wilderness to get not disturbed. To heat up from inside a little drink was taken and what I didnt note: She was so exited, that she hadnt eaten enough before and so the alcohol droves her nearly instantly nuts. To keep it short:
Strike1: She tried to give head to the shifter...
Strike2: As she was trying to move over the center console to my seat and if I hadnt prevent that, she had surely plopped-on the shifter...
The rest is history

I'm done with the internet today

:

Lups · 09-23-2016, 07:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Naz24

This absolutely just made my morning.

We dated for almost four years and I almost married him so clearly my technique was a winner.

But I truly hope my boys turn out to be gay. Women are horrible creatures.

Axius · 09-23-2016, 07:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lups

We dated for almost four years and I almost married him so clearly my technique was a winner.

But I truly hope my boys turn out to be gay. Women are horrible creatures.

Womens are all just a form of succubus. Designed mostly for repopulating, sandwiches, laundry, gardening, and bitching about stuff.

Technique is only as acute as the recipient of.

Lups · 09-23-2016, 08:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Axius

Womens are all just a form of succubus. Designed mostly for repopulating, sandwiches, laundry, gardening, and bitching about stuff.

Technique is only as acute as the recipient of.

You're horrible.

jaye944 · 09-23-2016, 08:32 AM

here is how it goes (you pay for)

1> cinema
2> concessions from cinema

= quick titty feel

1> drinks
2> Dinner

= def sex

(at home)
1> drinks = top notch cocktails
2> dinner = 3 course,soup starter, steak aged and /lobster/ heart shaped garlic mash, champagne, dessert (all home made0
table cloths, napkins
3> some candles, soft music
4> suitable chick film

= sex, BJ, 69, the full 9 yards + she makes breakfast

(last one for me NEVER fails)

sorry except when married

Quote:

Originally Posted by Naz24

Per popular request from the thread "The stupidest things we did for love..."

I need to come back and fill in my own story...

F30lolz · 09-23-2016, 08:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lups

I was awesome! Tall, pretty, athletic and his mother hated my guts, what more can a man want?!

Now that was phunnie

MKSixer · 09-23-2016, 08:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lups

Odds are not in my favor to win this but since I'm bored, I'll play.

In my defense, I want to say girls truly imagine men as complicated creatures until we learn the hard way. Which I did.

I was dating this man, about six years my senior when I was about 17. He was completely freaked out because of our age difference (and no, no laws against us) and I spent months trying to get into his pants. I was awesome! Tall, pretty, athletic and his mother hated my guts, what more can a man want?!

So at some point I decided to give up. Clearly he wasn't in to me (in so many ways!) even after we spent all our time together. Finally I decided we were just going to be friends who kissed and did other stuff and decided to move on.

His mother and my grandmother were friends (both of them horrible bitches btw) so I saw it fit to kill the relationship and his bitch of a mother with one stone. I told my grandma in the strictest confidence that he was gay, and I was just his beard. I told her never to tell anyone, so she saw it fit to announce it to all their friends in half an hour.

Every story needs a happy ending and I got mine! I really recommend angry sex to everyone.

Anyway, the reputation stuck with him for a long time with the garden party people and his mother still hates me more than words can say. I still can't regret it much.

I just spat out half my coffee!

Lups · 09-23-2016, 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by F30lolz

Now that was phunnie

okay, so I didn't own a mirror, or light bulbs. This is internet, everyone is beautiful here!

Quote:

Originally Posted by MKSixer

I just spat out half my coffee!

I think we once talked about me being mildly horrible with relationships. Even this isn't the low point of my life.

MKSixer · 09-23-2016, 08:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lups

okay, so I didn't own a mirror, or light bulbs. This is internet, everyone is beautiful here!

I think we once talked about me being mildly horrible with relationships. Even this isn't the low point of my life.

Lol! I'm not that good, either. I just dated other people's girlfriends once or twice prior to getting married.

They were always happy to see me and never complained about anything and no strings attached. It was fantastic!!

Dang3r · 09-23-2016, 09:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lups

okay, so I didn't own a mirror, or light bulbs. This is internet, everyone is beautiful here!

You bet, but stay away from civilization then, otherwise you'll find mirrors and bulbs and get scared for the rest of your life

Lups · 09-23-2016, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MKSixer

Lol! I'm not that good, either. I just dated other people's girlfriends once or twice prior to getting married.

They were always happy to see me and never complained about anything and no strings attached. It was fantastic!!

Oh god you're not making me feel any better.

I was told this week my friend's brother had a huge crush on me for ten years. It was apparently bad enough for him to mention me to my friend when they got drunk a few days before his wedding, you know, the man whining way of what iffs.

Nope, never saw that, and now I've spent a week blushing every time I remember having a big chat with him about me recruiting a fuck buddy, and never getting in to a relationship again!

At the time I thought he was soooooo nice to show up every time we had a sauna night and he was such a gentleman he made sure to bring me extra towels every time when I was drying off. And he insisted I come out with them (he was the older brother of my friend) every weekend!

Who could've seen that coming? I just thought he caught a flu or something when I started dating my future husband.

1MOREMOD · 09-23-2016, 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Axius

Womens are all just a form of succubus. Designed mostly for repopulating, sandwiches, laundry, gardening, and bitching about stuff.

Technique is only as acute as the recipient of.

Bravo good sir bravo

F30lolz · 09-23-2016, 09:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lups

okay, so I didn't own a mirror, or light bulbs. This is internet, everyone is beautiful here!

I have zero idea what you look like

This does not mean that you can PM me.

Thanks.

Lups · 09-23-2016, 09:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by F30lolz

I have zero idea what you look like

This does not mean that you can PM me.

Thanks.

Damn, I'm always so eager to share my Cheetos shots!

Dang3r · 09-23-2016, 09:23 AM

Sometimes its no disadvantage to let others guessing how good/bad you're looking. Keeps the imaging alive, no?

Axius · 09-23-2016, 09:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lups

You're horrible.

That's why we get along so well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1MOREMOD

Bravo good sir bravo

I've learnt from the best.

Lups · 09-23-2016, 09:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dang3r

Sometimes its no disadvantage to let others guessing how good/bad you're looking. Keeps the imaging alive, no?

Lol, I have an ironclad image as a 48 year old man here, with mild metabolism issues. We've got sara and tara to look pretty here!

Naz24 · 09-23-2016, 09:31 AM

ok, i think its time i play. although this isnt really about me getting laid, its more about me getting rid of psycho lady.... Let's call her Cauliflower, because all she did was cook with cauliflower, I swear, she made mashed cauliflower, cauliflower roasted chicken, cauliflower dessert. it was all too much.

I dated this girl one summer, (she rode horses, do not date girls who ride horses, sorry Lups if you ride... ). Anyway, i was in college, she went to UMiami, i went to Cornell. I was very lukewarm on her anyway, so it didnt matter much that the end of the summer was approaching quickly and i had no plans to stay together (hell, who wants a 1,400 mile relationship with a girl who only eats cauliflower)

At the end of the summer, i decided to end it. Cauliflower did not like this. She did not get the hint, and began sending me care packages up to cornell (which i truly didn't mind); but what i did mind were the 25 calls/texts/snapchats/etc in a row. I had to finally get rid of Cauliflower.

Enter my best friend. He was ripped, sang opera, and a scratch golfer with a pretty nice trust fund. EVERY GIRLS DREAM! So one day, i let him answer the phone when cauliflower calls. They get to talking--two hours later he reappears. "hey, that girl is pretty nice, i bet she's good in bed, too". My evil plan was beginning to work!

a week later, my friend comes to me and says these exact words, "i hope you dont mind, but cauliflower bought me two tickets down to florida to visit her next weekend"

FUCK. YES. Such an easy out for me.

So my friend goes down to florida, visits cauliflower, comes back, realizes shes is bat shit crazy (she stole a pair of his jeans so he 'had to' go back and visit her again). Of course he never visited her again. But he did mention watching cops, while eating cauliflower, while cauliflower eats his....

So my friend and i both benefit immensely. I never had to talk to her again, and i successfully pawned my friend off to a psycho cauliflower nut

Axius · 09-23-2016, 09:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by F30lolz

I have zero idea what you look like

This does not mean that you can PM me.

Thanks.

You're missing out, breh. Especially the pic that went around of her huge ballsack. Epic.

Joekerr · 09-23-2016, 09:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lups

Lol, I have an ironclad image as a 48 year old man here, with mild metabolism issues. We've got sara and tara to look pretty here!

Well then....

My condolences to Biorin and F87LUV - I guess you know where you stand in Lups' estimate.

Is it the facial hair that's turning you off Lupsie?

09-23-2016, 06:24 AM	#24
Dang3r Schmollbraten 12482 Rep 1,985 Posts Drives: M4CPC // HP4 Comp. Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Liandri Central Core iTrader: (0)	In this case thats a "No", because into that car the shift knob was a drilled and threaded Billiard black 8 __________________ Citizen of ///M - Town, where too much is just right Some say, that my scrotum has its own small gravity field and when Im slowing down that brake lights come on at my buttox
	Appreciate 0 Quote

09-23-2016, 09:23 AM	#39
Dang3r Schmollbraten 12482 Rep 1,985 Posts Drives: M4CPC // HP4 Comp. Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Liandri Central Core iTrader: (0)	Sometimes its no disadvantage to let others guessing how good/bad you're looking. Keeps the imaging alive, no? __________________ Citizen of ///M - Town, where too much is just right Some say, that my scrotum has its own small gravity field and when Im slowing down that brake lights come on at my buttox
	Appreciate 0 Quote

09-23-2016, 09:31 AM	#42
Naz24 Lieutenant Colonel 1644 Rep 1,726 Posts Drives: W205 AMG C63 / E70 X5M Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: North/Central NJ iTrader: (1)	ok, i think its time i play. although this isnt really about me getting laid, its more about me getting rid of psycho lady.... Let's call her Cauliflower, because all she did was cook with cauliflower, I swear, she made mashed cauliflower, cauliflower roasted chicken, cauliflower dessert. it was all too much. I dated this girl one summer, (she rode horses, do not date girls who ride horses, sorry Lups if you ride... ). Anyway, i was in college, she went to UMiami, i went to Cornell. I was very lukewarm on her anyway, so it didnt matter much that the end of the summer was approaching quickly and i had no plans to stay together (hell, who wants a 1,400 mile relationship with a girl who only eats cauliflower) At the end of the summer, i decided to end it. Cauliflower did not like this. She did not get the hint, and began sending me care packages up to cornell (which i truly didn't mind); but what i did mind were the 25 calls/texts/snapchats/etc in a row. I had to finally get rid of Cauliflower. Enter my best friend. He was ripped, sang opera, and a scratch golfer with a pretty nice trust fund. EVERY GIRLS DREAM! So one day, i let him answer the phone when cauliflower calls. They get to talking--two hours later he reappears. "hey, that girl is pretty nice, i bet she's good in bed, too". My evil plan was beginning to work! a week later, my friend comes to me and says these exact words, "i hope you dont mind, but cauliflower bought me two tickets down to florida to visit her next weekend" FUCK. YES. Such an easy out for me. So my friend goes down to florida, visits cauliflower, comes back, realizes shes is bat shit crazy (she stole a pair of his jeans so he 'had to' go back and visit her again). Of course he never visited her again. But he did mention watching cops, while eating cauliflower, while cauliflower eats his.... So my friend and i both benefit immensely. I never had to talk to her again, and i successfully pawned my friend off to a psycho cauliflower nut __________________ 2017 C63 2012 X5M SOLD: 2015 M3; 2007 X3 M Sport; 2014 X3 M Sport 35i; 2004 X5 4.4i; 1994 325i
	Appreciate 1 silvergray5452342.50 Quote