Warning about dating a Chinese girl !!!

panicos81 · 10-16-2013, 06:21 PM

So why dont you just marry her. You love each other, whats the problem?

KwlAznKid · 10-16-2013, 07:21 PM

depends on the family background, not the race, i'm Chinese/Taiwanese my parents want nothing to do with me..

wait..

...

lol jk but in all seriousness ever since I was a kid my parents made it very clear that they would not be a burden or live with me when I had a family

hudamang · 10-16-2013, 11:51 PM

"She was the love of my life and made me happier than I had ever. I loved her the same way and made her happy the same way. I can NOT say one negative thing about her"

Cause if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it...Maybe she actually wants more stability and a marriage. You mentioned you discussed no marriage on the first date...and haven't talked about it since. Perhaps she changed her mind and wants to get married.

1) So she loves you and you love her
2) Her mother treated you really well

You: Don't want to get married. Calls her mother who treats you well a F'in B***ch. Hmmm....

But yes, Asians are usually more respectful towards their elders, especially their parents. Confucian based principles.

grimlock · 10-17-2013, 02:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mylydiamy

Does anyone know if this is really the way it woks in Chinese families?

Thanks

Quote:

Originally Posted by mylydiamy

Yes I am a white gut and never been in a relationship with an Asian woman.

Digging the freudian slips.

Templar · 10-17-2013, 09:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hudamang

"She was the love of my life and made me happier than I had ever. I loved her the same way and made her happy the same way. I can NOT say one negative thing about her"

Cause if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it...Maybe she actually wants more stability and a marriage. You mentioned you discussed no marriage on the first date...and haven't talked about it since. Perhaps she changed her mind and wants to get married.

1) So she loves you and you love her
2) Her mother treated you really well

You: Don't want to get married. Calls her mother who treats you well a F'in B***ch. Hmmm....

But yes, Asians are usually more respectful towards their elders, especially their parents. Confucian based principles.

Greenkirby21 · 10-17-2013, 09:58 AM

I've been going through this. Been dating my girlfriend for 4 years. Her parents are very against the relationship because I am Mexican and she shouldn't be dating anyone until she is done with medical school (she hasn't even started it yet, is about to)

mylydiamy · 10-17-2013, 10:13 AM

Now I have a much better picture of what happened. Thank you all for your inputs!

mylydiamy · 10-17-2013, 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by panicos81

So why dont you just marry her. You love each other, whats the problem?

I have my reasons :

1 - After a bitter experience with my first marriage, and going through a costly divorce ($4K alimont a month forever) I have to admit that I am little bit scared.

2 - She has 2 kids whom I love but fathering 2 kids forever is a gigantic responsibility which I am not sure if I can handle

3 - If I marry her, I have to live with her parents on top of her 2 kids (and my daughter). That makes it impossible

mylydiamy · 10-17-2013, 10:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by grimlock

Digging the freudian slips.

Haha! Good catch! MaybeI haven't forgotten about her yet!!!

Maestro · 10-17-2013, 10:32 AM

As a number of people pointed out, it is an Asian cultural thing and you should not blame the mother, it is just the way it is done and you have to accept it if you want to be part of the of they family.

Here is another thing I learned from Asian friends which still seem to be common. It not unusually for the kids to send money home to the parents. If you're going to married into a Asian family and do not want to alienate yourself and Asian spouse from the Asian parents you have to be prepare to make the money payments to the parents so they can live and support themselves.

One good friend of mine comes from a family of 9, and all of them more successful than the other. I could not understand why my friend drove a crap car when I knew what he was making, he was married and had a child and explain to me he could not afford a new car, and part of the reason he was sending money home to his parents as well as his wife parents. I asked him if all his sibling sent money home and he said yes. Needless to say the parents were living very well in their retired life.

On a similar note, I grew up with my grandmother in our house, my dad was the youngest of 5 and was expected to take care of his mom, so she lived with us until I was 11 and she died at 86. I grew up in a traditional Italian family, but there is no way my parents are moving in with us today.

mylydiamy · 10-17-2013, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maestro

As a number of people pointed out, it is an Asian cultural thing and you should not blame the mother, it is just the way it is done and you have to accept it if you want to be part of the of they family.

Here is another thing I learned from Asian friends which still seem to be common. It not unusually for the kids to send money home to the parents. If you're going to married into a Asian family and do not want to alienate yourself and Asian spouse from the Asian parents you have to be prepare to make the money payments to the parents so they can live and support themselves.

One good friend of mine comes from a family of 9, and all of them more successful than the other. I could not understand why my friend drove a crap car when I knew what he was making, he was married and had a child and explain to me he could not afford a new car, and part of the reason he was sending money home to his parents as well as his wife parents. I asked him if all his sibling sent money home and he said yes. Needless to day the parents were living very well in their retired life.

On a similar note, I grew up with my grandmother in our house, my dad was the youngest of 5 and was expected to take care of him mom, so she lived with us until I was 11 and she died at 86. I grew up in a traditional Italian family, but there is no way my parents are moving in with us today.

Thanks.

I finally realized that this is how it is in Asian especially in Chinese culture but it was too late

The damage was done!!!

upstatedoc · 10-17-2013, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mylydiamy

Now I have a much better picture of what happened.

I came in for pics of GF but was hugely disappointed...

and carrots have no place in a taco salad.

johanness · 10-17-2013, 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mylydiamy

Does anyone know if this is really the way it woks in Chinese families?

I see what u did there

Edit: late to the party dammit

mylydiamy · 10-17-2013, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by johanness

I see what u did there

Edit: late to the party dammit

turbolag · 10-17-2013, 04:57 PM

Weren't you the guy with the Divorce thread months ago? That 20-page one?

mylydiamy · 10-17-2013, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by turbolag

Weren't you the guy with the Divorce thread months ago? That 20-page one?

Yes it was me, unfortunately

turbolag · 10-17-2013, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mylydiamy

Yes it was me, unfortunately

Ah, congrats to you for pulling yourself out of that hole and moving on. I know for a fact I wouldn't have been able to do as well.

mylydiamy · 10-17-2013, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by turbolag

Ah, congrats to you for pulling yourself out of that hole and moving on. I know for a fact I wouldn't have been able to do as well.

Thanks. It was not easy and took long time. But happy ending

kevinbahnz · 10-17-2013, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mylydiamy

I have my reasons :

1 - After a bitter experience with my first marriage, and going through a costly divorce ($4K alimont a month forever) I have to admit that I am little bit scared.

2 - She has 2 kids whom I love but fathering 2 kids forever is a gigantic responsibility which I am not sure if I can handle

3 - If I marry her, I have to live with her parents on top of her 2 kids (and my daughter). That makes it impossible

I'm very sorry to hear that.

MrRoboto · 10-17-2013, 06:36 PM

A 42 year old man telling relationship stories on an internet forum...sad.

will.c · 10-17-2013, 07:22 PM

Is it normal? In Asia - perhaps. In US - no.

Everyone probably has one or two Asian friends who are known to do this, and this type of behavior is probably more prominent in Asian cultures than any other, but I gotta say majority of Asians in US don't do this, so I wouldn't say it's quite "normal."

mylydiamy · 10-18-2013, 09:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrRoboto

A 42 year old man telling relationship stories on an internet forum...sad.

Thanks! I appreciate your thoughts...

10-16-2013, 06:21 PM	#23
panicos81 Colonel 237 Rep 2,327 Posts Drives: a white bmw Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cyprus iTrader: (2) Garage List 2010 BMW E92 [8.54] 2007 e90 [0.00]	So why dont you just marry her. You love each other, whats the problem? __________________ E90post E9x photo game= 67[70-3] COTM 06/11 http://www.e90post.com/forums/showthread.php?t=531094 My webpage. Feel free to visit My 500px
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10-16-2013, 07:21 PM	#24
KwlAznKid Brigadier General 383 Rep 3,037 Posts Drives: BMW/MERCEDES/PORSCHE Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Los Angeles/Fremont USC/UCSD Alum iTrader: (6)	depends on the family background, not the race, i'm Chinese/Taiwanese my parents want nothing to do with me.. wait.. ... lol jk but in all seriousness ever since I was a kid my parents made it very clear that they would not be a burden or live with me when I had a family __________________ BMW E93 M3 / Mercedes Benz W209 CLK500 BMW E64 650I(sold) / BMW E92 328I(sold) / BMW E46 M3(sold) / BMW E92 335I(sold) Porsche 996 911 C2(sold) / BMW E46 325CI(totaled)
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10-16-2013, 11:51 PM	#25
hudamang Enlisted Member 10 Rep 46 Posts Drives: Hopefully M4 Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: San Diego iTrader: (0)	"She was the love of my life and made me happier than I had ever. I loved her the same way and made her happy the same way. I can NOT say one negative thing about her" Cause if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it...Maybe she actually wants more stability and a marriage. You mentioned you discussed no marriage on the first date...and haven't talked about it since. Perhaps she changed her mind and wants to get married. 1) So she loves you and you love her 2) Her mother treated you really well You: Don't want to get married. Calls her mother who treats you well a F'in B***ch. Hmmm.... But yes, Asians are usually more respectful towards their elders, especially their parents. Confucian based principles. __________________ To M3 or M4...that is the question.
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10-17-2013, 09:58 AM	#28
Greenkirby21 Vrooom :) 338 Rep 2,597 Posts Drives: C7 Stringray Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Dream Land iTrader: (1)	I've been going through this. Been dating my girlfriend for 4 years. Her parents are very against the relationship because I am Mexican and she shouldn't be dating anyone until she is done with medical school (she hasn't even started it yet, is about to) __________________ 2014 C7 Corvette Stringray - Laguna Blue - NPP Exhaust - Competition Seats
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10-17-2013, 10:13 AM	#29
mylydiamy Lieutenant 82 Rep 534 Posts Drives: 2008 335i e93 convertible Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: New Jersey iTrader: (1)	Now I have a much better picture of what happened. Thank you all for your inputs!
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10-17-2013, 10:32 AM	#32
Maestro Major 1089 Rep 1,268 Posts Drives: 2007 335i Sedan, 2021 X3 Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Philadelphia iTrader: (0)	As a number of people pointed out, it is an Asian cultural thing and you should not blame the mother, it is just the way it is done and you have to accept it if you want to be part of the of they family. Here is another thing I learned from Asian friends which still seem to be common. It not unusually for the kids to send money home to the parents. If you're going to married into a Asian family and do not want to alienate yourself and Asian spouse from the Asian parents you have to be prepare to make the money payments to the parents so they can live and support themselves. One good friend of mine comes from a family of 9, and all of them more successful than the other. I could not understand why my friend drove a crap car when I knew what he was making, he was married and had a child and explain to me he could not afford a new car, and part of the reason he was sending money home to his parents as well as his wife parents. I asked him if all his sibling sent money home and he said yes. Needless to say the parents were living very well in their retired life. On a similar note, I grew up with my grandmother in our house, my dad was the youngest of 5 and was expected to take care of his mom, so she lived with us until I was 11 and she died at 86. I grew up in a traditional Italian family, but there is no way my parents are moving in with us today. Last edited by Maestro; 10-17-2013 at 11:55 AM..
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10-17-2013, 04:57 PM	#37
turbolag is nonexistent with N/A 22 Rep 1,126 Posts Drives: . Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: . iTrader: (0)	Weren't you the guy with the Divorce thread months ago? That 20-page one?
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10-17-2013, 06:36 PM	#42
MrRoboto Brigadier General 1862 Rep 4,836 Posts Drives: VO 1M Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Canada iTrader: (0)	A 42 year old man telling relationship stories on an internet forum...sad.
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10-17-2013, 07:22 PM	#43
will.c Captain 137 Rep 638 Posts Drives: E46M Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Central Jersey iTrader: (5)	Is it normal? In Asia - perhaps. In US - no. Everyone probably has one or two Asian friends who are known to do this, and this type of behavior is probably more prominent in Asian cultures than any other, but I gotta say majority of Asians in US don't do this, so I wouldn't say it's quite "normal."
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