[unluky]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

Well said.

I will never understand why someone would get upset at a polite gesture.

Me either. And I hate that I let it affect how I want to treat others, but it does. I travel a lot and it varies a lot from area to area too. I have had guys not even acknowledge you held the door for them, which can be irritating,but not a big deal. I have had some women confront me about it though. I was walking out of a C store once on the road and more "felt" someone was behind me than saw. I stepped through carrying my stuff and just held it with my elbow without ever turning around. I never saw anyone come past me and glanced back before I let it go and this lady was standing there holding it too glaring at me refusing to walk past me. When we met eyes she said "I GOT IT!"

I just don't get it how that can be seen as a negative thing, but to each their own.

I also saw an older lady pushing a cart with a huge bag of dog food to her car in front of me once while on the road. It looked like the bag was about 25 pounds less than her. I took it out of the cart and put it in her trunk for her and she said thank you and tried to give me a quarter! LMAO. I just have to remember those and forget the others.

[VisualEcho]

I will hold the door for anyone if I'm already grabbing it and they are walking in, but actively open doors for women, and certainly every time for my wife/girlfriend.

I don't open car doors though.

Never had a woman get upset at me for opening a door for them, they are usually very gracious.

[cmyx6go]

Originally Posted by strohw

I hold the door for anybody anywhere if they are remotely close to me when entering or exiting a building. I only occasionally open the door for me wife in the car. I do it far more for my son.

I don't feel like I ever get people who are upset that I hold a door for them but I do occasionally get people who will literally just walk right past you and not say anything. Like the gesture and the appropriate reciprocating action on their part is just completely foreign to them.

And this is why I love double sets of doors. I hold the door open for anyone behind me, even if I have to wait a few seconds for their approach. It pisses me off if they walk right through without saying thank you. When this happens, of course I say a very loud You're welcome. And if there is another set of doors, I take great pleasure in walking through and letting it go in their face. Yes, I'm an evil bitch. I am courteous to everyone, until I have a reason not to be.

[No one]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

And this is why I love double sets of doors. I hold the door open for anyone behind me, even if I have to wait a few seconds for their approach. It pisses me off if they walk right through without saying thank you. When this happens, of course I say a very loud You're welcome. And if there is another set of doors, I take great pleasure in walking through and letting it go in their face. Yes, I'm an evil bitch. I am courteous to everyone, until I have a reason not to be.

You can't (well, shouldn't) force others to play your games. I would mostly thank (definitely if I found it helpful and sometimes just to be polite). But if I don't need that apparently and they do seem to be pleasing themselves (even stealing the room I need to pass without wiping them) I can see it as none of my business. (I don't think I'm obliged to participate.)

I hate people touch me or my things without a permission. Last time in a foreign country I had three incidents. 1. In a supermarket some dick (another customer) started to help the cashier to pack my purchases while I was busy putting away the change. I demanded he must stop. He ignored me completely (He didn't speak my language but of course he got the meaning. I used simple words.). I found that insulting. 2. A waiter patted me on the shoulder (I never knew him). I felt like hitting him back. 3. A pet taxi driver suddenly offered a handshake after charging me more than I had expected (we had never been any close, it was only a business/service for me). Next time I'm going to tell him that's unnecessary. You should pay some true attention to others rather than just entertain yourself at their expense. Show some respect if you wish to be courteous.

[Kolyan2k]

Well the only woman here is my wife....so no

[wcr3d]

Originally Posted by No one

You can't (well, shouldn't) force others to play your games. I would mostly thank (definitely if I found it helpful and sometimes just to be polite). But if I don't need that apparently and they do seem to be pleasing themselves (even stealing the room I need to pass without wiping them) I can see it as none of my business. (I don't think I'm obliged to participate.)

I hate people touch me or my things without a permission. Last time in a foreign country I had three incidents. 1. In a supermarket some dick (another customer) started to help the cashier to pack my purchases while I was busy putting away the change. I demanded he must stop. He ignored me completely (He didn't speak my language but of course he got the meaning. I used simple words.). I found that insulting. 2. A waiter patted me on the shoulder (I never knew him). I felt like hitting him back. 3. A pet taxi driver suddenly offered a handshake after charging me more than I had expected (we had never been any close, it was only a business/service for me). Next time I'm going to tell him that's unnecessary. You should pay some true attention to others rather than just entertain yourself at their expense. Show some respect if you wish to be courteous.

To me all of your examples are in contradiction to what you say.

[BimmerDimmer6]

Originally Posted by No one

Will you bother to kill her before putting there?


There are things like etiquette and, well, common sense ("If you want something done right do it yourself."). Both are applicable here: the former for all women, the latter for some.

Reported.

Killing is not a joke.

[leopard print]

I used to when we first started dating. After a while she actually asked me not to because she thought it was awkward (not in a feminist kind of way or anything). Don’t know if it has anything to do with her culture or not...she’s German.

[davidr3]

I do it because I don't want them slamming my door or dinging it against something when opening. Kidding, but yeah here and there i'll try to.

[NorCalAthlete]

50/50. If it's on the same side as where we're coming from, 100% of the time. If it's not, 50/50 depending on what I'm carrying, who I'm with, etc.

[cmyx6go]

Originally Posted by No one

You can't (well, shouldn't) force others to play your games. I would mostly thank (definitely if I found it helpful and sometimes just to be polite). But if I don't need that apparently and they do seem to be pleasing themselves (even stealing the room I need to pass without wiping them) I can see it as none of my business. (I don't think I'm obliged to participate.)

I hate people touch me or my things without a permission. Last time in a foreign country I had three incidents. 1. In a supermarket some dick (another customer) started to help the cashier to pack my purchases while I was busy putting away the change. I demanded he must stop. He ignored me completely (He didn't speak my language but of course he got the meaning. I used simple words.). I found that insulting. 2. A waiter patted me on the shoulder (I never knew him). I felt like hitting him back. 3. A pet taxi driver suddenly offered a handshake after charging me more than I had expected (we had never been any close, it was only a business/service for me). Next time I'm going to tell him that's unnecessary. You should pay some true attention to others rather than just entertain yourself at their expense. Show some respect if you wish to be courteous.

I have no idea what you're talking about except for the last sentence. I DO show respect by holding the door open. If I DIDN'T pay attention to others, I wouldn't hold the door open in the first place. And I am not entertaining myself at their expense. Someone should call them out. I have no patience for rude people.

[No one]

Originally Posted by wcr3d

To me all of your examples are in contradiction to what you say.

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

I have no idea what you're talking about

I let you see it from the other side (there can be other viewpoints as well). When you think you are polite you can be only annoying sometimes. Of course you can dump it and "hold your door" as you like.

Originally Posted by BimmerDimmer6

Reported. Killing is not a joke.

If you put a female into an oven alive she's likely to die anyway. She'll just suffer. I meant to suggest you should skip opening that door for a woman unless you are a crematory worker. If that's the only door you can open then just don't bother. This is the point.

[RedScytheM3]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

I have no idea what you're talking about except for the last sentence. I DO show respect by holding the door open. If I DIDN'T pay attention to others, I wouldn't hold the door open in the first place. And I am not entertaining myself at their expense. Someone should call them out. I have no patience for rude people.

Basically, they're saying that by doing things for someone else without asking them if they want it done is an imposition. Even worse when they're expected to 'play along' in order to not seem 'rude'. If you weren't asked for help, don't help is the principal. I get it. I understand you opening doors for others is something you see yourself doing as being considerate, and I'm sure your intentions with it are genuine. I hold the door for everyone too, sometimes finding myself regretting it when too many people suddenly show up.

I have experience with some family members that have trauma that resulted in ptsd, and they tell me how it's triggering to be touched by others or find themselves in a position where they feel obligated to do something (like pass closely by someone that's holding a door open). So, I can see what they mean by not wanting to take part. If I open the door for someone and they don't seem to want to pass I'll just say 'excuse me' and walk off. Who knows what's going on in them. Trauma, difference in customs, whatever it's not my business or place to judge. I think we just all have to keep our eyes and hearts open and not be quick to get angry, judge, defend, or deny feelings.

[tcphoto]

Originally Posted by BimmerDimmer6

The only door I'll open for a female is the oven door.

Someone may want to check on him in a few weeks, his body might be found in the crawlspace if his wife reads that post.

[cmyx6go]

Originally Posted by RedScytheM3

Basically, they're saying that by doing things for someone else without asking them if they want it done is an imposition. Even worse when they're expected to 'play along' in order to not seem 'rude'. If you weren't asked for help, don't help is the principal. I get it. I understand you opening doors for others is something you see yourself doing as being considerate, and I'm sure your intentions with it are genuine. I hold the door for everyone too, sometimes finding myself regretting it when too many people suddenly show up.

I have experience with some family members that have trauma that resulted in ptsd, and they tell me how it's triggering to be touched by others or find themselves in a position where they feel obligated to do something (like pass closely by someone that's holding a door open). So, I can see what they mean by not wanting to take part. If I open the door for someone and they don't seem to want to pass I'll just say 'excuse me' and walk off. Who knows what's going on in them. Trauma, difference in customs, whatever it's not my business or place to judge. I think we just all have to keep our eyes and hearts open and not be quick to get angry, judge, defend, or deny feelings.

I'm not talking about getting in someone's space. I'm not talking about touching someone. I'm talking about walking through a door with someone right behind me and holding it open so they can grab it and walk through behind me. My issue is with the self absorbed, it's my world and you're only living in it, all about them rude ass people that walk through as if they are entitled to someone doing something for them and are too high and mighty to bother to say thank you or even acknowledge with the nod of a head. I'm sure you know the type. And those are the only type I pull my bitch routine with. That is all.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by unluky

Me either. And I hate that I let it affect how I want to treat others, but it does. I travel a lot and it varies a lot from area to area too. I have had guys not even acknowledge you held the door for them, which can be irritating,but not a big deal. I have had some women confront me about it though. I was walking out of a C store once on the road and more "felt" someone was behind me than saw. I stepped through carrying my stuff and just held it with my elbow without ever turning around. I never saw anyone come past me and glanced back before I let it go and this lady was standing there holding it too glaring at me refusing to walk past me. When we met eyes she said "I GOT IT!"

I just don't get it how that can be seen as a negative thing, but to each their own.

I also saw an older lady pushing a cart with a huge bag of dog food to her car in front of me once while on the road. It looked like the bag was about 25 pounds less than her. I took it out of the cart and put it in her trunk for her and she said thank you and tried to give me a quarter! LMAO. I just have to remember those and forget the others.

I never understood this. Being rude when someone opens a door for you doesn't prove any sort of independence, it just proves you are an asshole. If someone opening a door for you makes you feel like they are belittling you in some way, then you have a lot of issues that have nothing to do with equality.

I had this problem with an ex once. She thought everyone was "mansplaining" to her about everything. When I opened a door for her she was like "I can open my own doors you know". I explained I wasn't doing it out of feeling superior or that she needed help, it was as a sign of respect for her. She didn't get it, and it didn't last long. She always had issues at work thinking every man was out to put her down and prevent her progress in the workplace. I understand it DOES happen, but not to her and the positions she held at work. Some people waste too much time thinking the world is out to get them.

Meanwhile I went on a date once with a girl who thought ALL doors must be opened for her, or the guy is an asshole who doesn't respect women. You can't win.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

I'm not talking about getting in someone's space. I'm not talking about touching someone. I'm talking about walking through a door with someone right behind me and holding it open so they can grab it and walk through behind me. My issue is with the self absorbed, it's my world and you're only living in it, all about them rude ass people that walk through as if they are entitled to someone doing something for them and are too high and mighty to bother to say thank you or even acknowledge with the nod of a head. I'm sure you know the type. And those are the only type I pull my bitch routine with. That is all.

You are not wrong here. Some people are just assholes but most have simply never been taught how to respect people for doing nice things for them. I'm in your camp! If I can assist society in teaching someone how to be mindful of someone else; by all means, I'll make shitty comments toward them. Many of the things in life that I pay attention to as an adult I never thought anything about until someone forced me to look at it from another direction.

[floridaorange]

In Florida or Texas - or most southern states?

Yes

In California, Oregon, most liberal western states?

No!

[cheveux]

I always open the door of my M4 for her, so she can't hit the car parked next with the door ahhaha

[gatorfast]

I hold doors to buildings for anyone behind me, man or woman.

Never open the car door for my wife though and should would def not want me to. It's an antiquated gesture and a little awkward.

[Dang3r]

Opening doors for women is a timeless gesture of good manners and never grew old.

[RMNB]

Only for my wife.