[OlivaresAnthony]

Originally Posted by ADubM3

Very entertaining thread. Constantly LMAO.

+1

[JayKay335i]

Procrastination from studying for finals:

I was seeing this girl at my school for a couple months. I'm not really into older woman, but I met her at a interdisciplinary mixer and figured what the hell. Well... actually, she looked like she was probably younger than me and I was horny so FTW. After a few weeks of making out, titty grabbing and the usual shit I pull she tells me shes actually 29. I'm mildly turned on, partially confused, and intermittently mortified at the situation. I'm only 22 and I prefer to keep the females between 18 and 18 for as long as I can. Anywho, I figure WTF, shes got another year before she reaches the age where her visual contribution to society begins steeply declining, I might as well hit it. The groping and face sucking sessions continue for another month or so until the semester comes to an end. Obviously the end of finals week means excessive drinking at a swanky club. I initially didn't plan on inviting her and figured I'd just scam on a dime I found at the club. It doesn't take much. Tell them you're going to make $, buy them a drink, let them see the car. They're spreading their legs before you get to finish checking your self out in your $500 huper optic tinted windows. I then figured F-it, I'm just going to drink until I pass out. So I call the girl up and tell her to throw on something sexy, I'm going to take her to the club and and beat that puss when we get home. She giggles and agrees. Game on. Blah blah blah, yada yada yada....

...Hours later in the back seat on the way home from the club were going at it and for an old lady, her self lubricating slip and slide was in overdrive. I figured this is the moment to beat 10 weeks of frustration out on a underused vag full of sexual frustration and a life of dissapointments. We find out selves in my bed full on pre-lim lustful face sucking, rubbing, and all the proper accoutrement to a great fuck. Shes in her high heels and panties and I'm ready to break out the shovel and do some work on the hole. I'm filled with anticipation for getting F-ed while shes on top of me grinding on my junk. As I start taking her panties off she goes "I cant....we've only been seeing each other for a couple months and I dont think you're serious about this as I am". I look at her with this bewildered look of astonishment. Like she just told me Santa clause isn't real or my first pet goldfish didn't really swim down the toilet to be free. On the other hand, as soon as this become a challenge I went from a half drunk hard on to a 200yr old ossified Californian redwood. She tells me unless I am willing to commit to a relationship, my hose wont be watering her garden. I spend a few seconds deep in thought contemplating my options. The outcome was me blurting out "the fuck I'm going to date you". The banter continued for a few minutes and somehow her female mind interpreted all this as "I'll blow you, this will make you want to date me". While her reasoning was correct, it just didn't fit this situation as my mind was set on chicken and she was offering me duck.

She took my member in her hand and opened her mouth up big and wide as I swatted her head away. I told her I don't want head, I invited you over to fck. She seemed confused and it was showing on her face. As she sat at the end of my bed in nothing but high heels and a look of bewilderment, knees bent, ass firmly planted between between her shining patent leather heels I explained to her:

"I invited you over here for a 'chicken dinner'. You showed up with with takeout. You took out the boxes, laid them on the counter. Poured me a drink and got me set up to enjoy that chicken dinner. You then open the bag and place my dinner in front of me. ITS FUCKEN DUCK. I like duck, BUT I WANT FUCKEN CHICKEN. GET THE FUCK OUT UNTIL YOU GET IT RIGHT".

Moral of the story/confession: I turned down head from a naked chick because I wanted to f-ck

[quality_sound]

^^^You sir, failed. Hard.

[lopealle]

Originally Posted by quality_sound

^^^You sir, failed. Hard.

hey sure did fail. i would have taken the bj even if i didnt want the relationship

[MTV]

SHould have taken the bj, man.

[GAM3OVR85]

Originally Posted by quality_sound

My bad, I thought she wanted you to put your finger in her ass, not her finger in yours.

Fixed!! lol

[Alexander]

George Michaels Careless Whisper!!!

[quality_sound]

Careless Whisper is a Wham! song. <--- Confession #2 for me.

[JayKay335i]

Originally Posted by dark335i

post pics of her...to get back at her.

LOL. I'm a dick, but not that big of a dick. I dont have any pictures of her besides her own crap on FB.

Besides, she re-offered to bob my knob post situation. I still declined. She was looking like she could approach clinger, maybe even stalker status.

[Spec 1]

Originally Posted by quality_sound

^^^You sir, failed. Hard.

Hard fail.

[quality_sound]

Originally Posted by JayKay335i

LOL. I'm a dick, but not that big of a dick. I dont have any pictures of her besides her own crap on FB.

Besides, she re-offered to bob my knob post situation. I still declined. She was looking like she could approach clinger, maybe even stalker status.

Wow, I now upgrade you to EPIC fail...

[JayKay335i]

Nope.

Maybe if I were a he beast or only had chances with the woman in the "ugliest females alive" thread I'd be crawling and begging for that BJ. I'm not worried about getting ass. I'd prefer a newer model.

[quality_sound]

That's like turing down the chance to beat on a free rental Taurus because you have a Ferrari on order.

[J-9]

I'm the one at the bar who throws in a dollar and plays Justin Timberlake on the jukebox and slinks away.

The WTF expressions on everyone's face is priceless.

[leocdmg]

I was doing the having " relations" with this girl at her house. Her room was on the top floor and her bed was where the roof is, so its kinda angled. Well long story short as I am finish in all the glory of the final thrust i somehow ended up putting my head through the ceiling. Yea it was kinda loud so it woke up the rest of her family. What was worse was her mom came in saw both of us naked and her daughter still had that special sauce on her boobs!

[Spec 1]

Originally Posted by quality_sound

That's like turing down the chance to beat on a free rental Taurus because you have a Ferrari on order.

Nice.
To Jaykay, if you aim for 18 yr old only, you haven't even HAD anything real til a 29 yr old comes to town.

Originally Posted by J-9

I'm the one at the bar who throws in a dollar and plays Justin Timberlake on the jukebox and slinks away.

The WTF expressions on everyone's face is priceless.

I always wonder who throws on these queer songs in the middle of rock & roll or rap sessions. All of a sudden "Mmm Bop" comes on and everyone is looking around like 'wtf?' Haha

Originally Posted by leocdmg

I was doing the having " relations" with this girl at her house. Her room was on the top floor and her bed was where the roof is, so its kinda angled. Well long story short as I am finish in all the glory of the final thrust i somehow ended up putting my head through the ceiling. Yea it was kinda loud so it woke up the rest of her family. What was worse was her mom came in saw both of us naked and her daughter still had that special sauce on her boobs!

Real!?

[leocdmg]

Originally Posted by Spec 1

Nice.
To Jaykay, if you aim for 18 yr old only, you haven't even HAD anything real til a 29 yr old comes to town.


I always wonder who throws on these queer songs in the middle of rock & roll or rap sessions. All of a sudden "Mmm Bop" comes on and everyone is looking around like 'wtf?' Haha


Real!?

Yes quite real my friend.

[Spec 1]

Originally Posted by leocdmg

Yes quite real my friend.

Epic.

[KingOfJericho]

When I'm in the car by myself I listen to this song..... alot.....

[Mark M]

So...lemme get this straight. You went without poon for about two months with this 29yo girl. First I would never wait that long for a girl, if I don't get some play in a month then I am moving on. Second, when you finally do get a bit of action with her, you are saying your blue balls walked away from a perfectly good knob slobbin just on principal?

No offense, but I would have throat F'ed the girl so rough she would have been eager to lay down and let another part of her body take the abuse. And if not...imagine how fun it would be to practice face painting with her?

Or.....alternate suggestion. Maybe she was fully willing to serve up the chicken....but she wanted to see if you would provide her an appetizer first? Perhaps she wanted you to sample her clam so as to prepare her for the chicken dinner?

In my single days....sampling the clam ALWAYS gained me access to the main course!

[leocdmg]

LMFAO....sampling the clam!!!!! thats a good one

[J-9]

Originally Posted by Spec 1

Nice.
To Jaykay, if you aim for 18 yr old only, you haven't even HAD anything real til a 29 yr old comes to town.

TRUTH.