[Boxtyp3]

If you wanna have it done your way, do it yourself!

[kingofthedemo]

You can wish (or hope) in one hand, and shit in the other... See which one fills up first.

''Now I've made this bed and I can't fall asleep in it''

[ASBSECU E93]

It can be done quick, or it can be done right - but not both.

[....,,,,..,,..]

If you want sympathy, you can find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.


Do it nice or do it twice.

March there, it will save you walking.

A 2nd class ride, is better than a 1st class walk.

Hurry up and wait.

As much use as tits on a fish (or a nun).

We are here to protect democracy, not practice it.

[Needbmwpartzz]

Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks......you really think when Jesus comes back,
he ever wants to see a fucking cross?

[1MOREMOD]

Keep quite and take off you pants

[ASBSECU E93]

Originally Posted by 1MOREMOD

Keep quite and take off you pants

Shut up and get in the trunk...

[1MOREMOD]

Oops sorry wrong hole

[Taskmaster]

'Don't catch these hands' - that's an amazing threat if I have ever heard one

[1MOREMOD]

Don't get it.

[Taskmaster]

Originally Posted by 1MOREMOD

Don't get it.

You catching someone's hands = a fist to the face.

[1MOREMOD]

You catch different than me. I prefer im nice with these.

[pnastyFL]

Don't be a dummy, bust on the tummy

[1MOREMOD]

Originally Posted by heavychevy69

Don't be a dummy, bust on the tummy

[Taskmaster]

Originally Posted by heavychevy69

Don't be a dummy, bust on the tummy

All the time!

[Nick the Greek]

"Cock"

[upstatedoc]

momma said knock you out

[MrRoboto]

Originally Posted by tony20009

That reminds me of a some more, most of which are things said by others and that I use/paraphrase from time to time, or that inspire me to create my own version of their sentiment and tone:

• The truth is the truth regardless of whether you believe it. (Tyson)
• Wishing won't make it so. (this one is mine)
• ...is your illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable. (H.L. Mencken)
• Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. (Einstein)
• Mae West -- That woman had more cool and pithy sayings than I can shake a stick at.
  • You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
  • Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
  • An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.
  • Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.
  • I never said it would be easy; I only said it would be worth it.
  • Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.
  • Women like a man with a past, but they prefer a man with a present.
  • Look your best - who said love is blind?
    This on I turn into advice for my kids: Be sure to look your best because even though love may be blind, your date isn't.
  • To err is human - but it feels divine.
  • I have found men who didn't know how to kiss. I've always found time to teach them.
    
    I remember paraphrasing that one when I gave my kids "the sex talk." I did so because even though the key point of the "sex talk" is to teach kids about doing the right thing, it's equally important that they understand that sex is best when it's also done right.
  • Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. (Does anyone else here play bridge?) This is one I passed on to my sons. I don't know if my ex shared the same principle with my daughter. Odds are she did.
  • Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.
  • The curve is more powerful than the sword.
    
    This one I recast as the bawdier:
    
    "Women, not men, have all the true power in the world because even though men control more than 80% of the nations on the planet, women control 100% of the pussy."
  • She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong. (One of my favorite insults to toss out when fitting.)
  • If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.
  • Woman: You certainly know the way to a man's heart.
    Mae West: Funny, too, 'cause I don't know how to cook.
    
    This one I turn into, "The way to my heart does not go through the kitchen."
  • I've been rich and I've been poor, and rich is better.
  • What's the good of resisting temptation? There'll always be more.
• Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. (Keillor)
• Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. (Henson)
• All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt. (Schultz).
• Luck is preparation meeting opportunity. (Oprah)
• I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. (Groucho Marx)
• The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. (Pratchett)
• Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you'll die of a misprint. (Herz)

Another writer whose "stuff" and sensibilities I use often is Lewis Carroll. Since I listed so Mae West sayings, I'll save Carroll's for another post.


All the best.

You talk too much.

[UncleWede]

"Dump the kid, Harry"

[kingofthedemo]

"I have suffered many tragedies in my life, a few of them have actually come true" - Mark Twain

[Needbmwpartzz]

War is a racket.
Major general Smedley Butler.

[sixburgh]

I like this in so much I built a poster.