[Lups]

Something absolutely epic happened just now, and I thought I'd share. The parents WhatsApp group got a message from the kids teacher. It was just sentences such as "go kill yourself" "you're ugly" , shit that kids say when they're angry to each other with no regard for the feeling of the others.

The teacher left that hanging before she wrote to the group that these were things her students had heard other students from her class say to a classmate. Our reactions could've been predicted by anyone.

She gave us parents a few minutes to stew over the things our darling, perfect kids had to endure from the horrible kids what obviously weren't mine or theirs. Then she posted a neatly written list of the things the kids owned up to saying to others.

The worst thing any kid had said to a classmate was basically a hello. It made us parents extremely happy, since we of course knew the first list was just a misunderstanding and we all have the unicorn kid that does nothing wrong ever.

The teacher gave us all a few minutes again and for some funny reason, after a second the parents group went deadly quiet.

I thought I'd share this moment with you, so you too can think again before you're willing to declare your kid is as perfect as ours were up until the truth hit home.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by OnerDriver

What?

Okay, let's go through it again.

First the teacher had asked the kids what are the worst things they've heard one of their classmates say to an other classmate. The answers were horrible, and the teacher showed us parents the list, and people jumped in to tell us rest that their kids would never do that. Then the teacher had asked the kids what's the worst they've ever said to an other, and nobody had ever said anything bad. The teacher showed us that and we all sighed in relief, since we of course knew that our kids are perfect.

Then the reality hit hard since if the kids told her what they had heard and nobody ever had said anything bad, someone or rather all of them were liars and we parents have our heads up in our arses.

That simple, that horrible.

[mkoesel]

Let me repeat back what I am hearing:

1. The school Lups’ kids attend has WhatsApp groups for parents to communicate with each other and teachers. WhatsApp is a messaging app, by the way.

2. The teacher wanted to tell the parents that the kids were being mean to one another, and decided to use the above communications medium to do so.

3. Wanting to make an impact, the teacher elected to start off by simply echoing nasty phrases to the group that she’d overheard herself being said in class, providing no other context.

4. Parents were confused initially and shocked but realizing what was going on, scrambled to clarify that it must not have been their child who said those things.

5. After a few minutes the teacher then posted another list of comments. This list was made up of all of the things the kids would admit to saying to one another, when asked. It contained only good-natured communications (so the kids weren’t honest - no surprise).

6. This method of revealing the nature of what was going on was powerful because everyone in the group was forced to acknowledge that bullying is insidious in that we all know it goes on but no one believes their child is part of the problem.

Conclusion: while not intending to, parents can play a role in perpetuating bullying by not addressing the issue with children. Of course some parents do talk to their kids about not bullying others, but some do not, instead assuming they have raised their kids right and such conversations aren’t necessary. But, kids put up a front at home, so it may be a good idea to have a sit down with your children about this even if you think they are perfect little angels. Perhaps the teacher’s exercise will cause the parents in the group to do that, perhaps not. Either way, it was a commendable effort.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by mkoesel

Let me repeat back what I am hearing:

1. The school Lups’ kids attend has WhatsApp groups for parents to communicate with each other and teachers. WhatsApp is a messaging app, by the way.

2. The teacher wanted to tell the parents that the kids were being mean to one another, and decided to use the above communications medium to do so.

3.Wanting to make an impact, the teacher elected to start off by simply echoing nasty phrases to the group that she’d overheard herself being said in class, providing no other context.

4. Parents were confused initially and shocked but realizing what was going on, scrambled to clarify that it must not have been their child who said those things.

5. After a few minutes the teacher then posted another list of comments. This list was made up of all of the things the kids would admit to saying to one another, when asked. It contained only good-natured communications (so the kids weren’t honest - no surprise).

6. This method of revealing the nature of what was going on was powerful because everyone in the group was forced to acknowledge that bullying is insidious in that we all know it goes on but no one believes their child is part of the problem.

Conclusion: while not intending to, parents can play a role in perpetuating bullying by not addressing the issue with children. Of course some parents do talk to their kids about not bullying others, but some do not, instead assuming they have raised their kids right and such conversations aren’t necessary. But, kids put up a front at home, so it may be a good idea to have a sit down with your children about this even if you think they are perfect little angels. Perhaps the teacher’s exercise will cause the parents in the group to do that, perhaps not. Either way, it was a commendable effort.

Yeah, pretty much this except that the first list we got were things the kids told the teacher in class they had heard others say to their classmates.

I too thought that was an epic way for the teacher to show us parents how big the difference between the "I heard someone say" is from the "I said" and just how willing most of us are to hold on to the illusion of our kids being perfect.

It's been a few hours now with no new comments to the group. I'm kind of loving this uncomfortable silence.

The school has antibullying campaigns all the time but this is the first time I've seen a teacher show us parents that we are a serious part of the problem. This feels like a needed eye opener.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by OnerDriver

Ah ok. Got it now, thanks.

Hey, nice approach by their teacher BTW, and super nice that the parents and teachers are that close in participating in kids' education.

No wonder Finland is known for high level education.

What's your approach as a parent to this "revelation"? Anything you can do?

It sounds epic until the mom's start texting about a bakesale. You will never have to know how many texts can be written about a doughnut.

I have zero patience with bullies and this is a topic covered a lot in our family since my oldest son has microtia (he is missing an ear and as he ages, the chin that is growing crooked will show more and more each year);and as we all know kids can be cruel.

We are cooking now and chatting about their day and I just told them that if they release mice to the school to get out of a test, or egg the principals car, or make their Swedish teacher cry, they'll be grounded and I will make sure they're miserable for weeks but if they bully an other student for any reason , they can expect that treatment till they're old enough to move out.

"Mom, those were kind of specific examples. Care to elaborate?"

No, I will not but catching mice is way easier than that math exam would've been...

[1MOREMOD]

Threaten that teacher with violence for making you see reality

[Lups]

Originally Posted by 1MOREMOD

Threaten that teacher with violence for making you see reality

I got my fist detention on the first grade for starting a snowball fight in the cafeteria, my uncle blew a permanent mark to the chemistry lab, my father had to go to summer school on the fourth grade since his teachers couldn't believe he was so bad at drawing when all his books were filled with drawings of a sort, my first born started a war with an English teacher for fun and last week my son's teacher told me she had reason to believe Julian can't read since he has not done a Finnish test even remotely well all autumn long . J has read books from the age of three on two languages and his explanation was that the work was so boring he preferred to use the time planning how to take over Finland. Not the world or the universe, just Finland.

There is absolutely nothing I wouldn't believe my kids doing, I just hope bullying will never make the list.

[ShakyDog]

This should be a Rocket Mortgage commercial...

mkoesel's response

Steve

[Maynard]

I'd bet 50$ that most of the parents on that list still think that all those awful things were being said by one or two 'bad kids' (from somebody else's home). Kudos to you for recognizing the truth in this, but not surprising from your other posts - you obviously have a lot of insight.

[King Rudi]

I think someone should have called the teacher dumb the proceed to give her indian burn and then a melvin. After she expresses her distaste in these acts, she should then be asked if she is going to cry about it in a very condescending tone.

In all seriousness, this is awesome. Great teachers like this simply are not paid enough for their efforts.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by Maynard

I'd bet 50$ that most of the parents on that list still think that all those awful things were being said by one or two 'bad kids' (from somebody else's home). Kudos to you for recognizing the truth in this, but not surprising from your other posts - you obviously have a lot of insight.

That groups has been silent all evening and we have a bakesale coming up in a week or two. Not one text about suitable frosting colours, no pricing questions, no fighting over shifts. Not one message has been passed but I did check the kiddos phone. Their classchat is burning hot, they're exchanging tips on how to get the parents to shut up.

Thanks for your kind words, but they're undeserved. My kid is in that class and I know the kid has never told a teacher if someone is being mean to others. That is a move of a coward.

[Dang3r]

Only thing to complain is the app and not making a call-in the parents to confront them face-to-face with their little dirtbags.
Even its a more modern time now, a personal meeting would never beat a simple W/A chat.
Oh, thats why Im out everywhere...dont having W/A and dont like FB, bummer

[Lups]

Originally Posted by Dang3r

Only thing to complain is the app and not making a call-in the parents to confront them face-to-face with their little dirtbags.
Even its a more modern time now, a personal meeting would never beat a simple W/A chat.
Oh, thats why Im out everywhere...dont having W/A and dont like FB, bummer

I disagree.

It is a more powerful thing to see the written words. "Kill yourself." " you're ugly" and so on. In spoken language those can be softened by tone. Seeing them spelled out truly stops a person.

The same goes with the denials. Saying or thinking that age old line "not my kid" is easy, but imagine for a second how it must feel like when you've answered to the chat something like that and then the teacher destroys you all by showing that you're lying to yourself, and your kid is lying to you.

If all kids were asked what they had heard, and everyone could repeat something nasty they had heard and not a single report to the teacher have been made, it means each of the kids is a liar and each of us parents needed to see this.

It's been 24 hours with not one new message to the group chat.

[Dang3r]

You know what? My daughter and son hated me once from the bottom of their little hearts, that I hadnt allow them a smartphone before the beginning of their 16th birthday. Up to this date they had to deal with a simple cellphone which was only foreseen as a backup for emergency calls or something similar to text. No need to follow or stalk other (a)social media profiles, no force to stay into the (a)social line and post and read every sh*t as it happens.
Meanwhile they understand my intentions from former days and had thanked me for this strict limit.
Sure, you cant protect your kids from those damn social media environments, but as long as I could choose this for them, I did. That was certainly no disadvantage for their evolvement.
Aside from that the teacher called me in if something happen in either important way and I am not too blind or too dumb to realize that also small kids be able to curse like adults.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by Dang3r

You know what? My daughter and son hated me once from the bottom of their little hearts, that I hadnt allow them a smartphone before the beginning of their 16th birthday. Up to this date they had to deal with a simple cellphone which was only foreseen as a backup for emergency calls or something similar to text. No need to follow or stalk other (a)social media profiles, no force to stay into the (a)social line and post and read every sh*t as it happens.
Meanwhile they understand my intentions from former days and had thanked me for this strict limit.
Sure, you cant protect your kids from those damn social media environments, but as long as I could choose this for them, I did. That was certainly no disadvantage for their evolvement.
Aside from that the teacher called me in if something happen in either important way and I am not too blind or too dumb to realize that also small kids be able to curse like adults.

I haven't allowed anything but WhatsApp for mine, the school uses that for information sharing. I'm a foodie and I make them do everything from laundry to homework and so on so I'm sure I'll fuck up my kids worse than any social media can.

Btw their school chat rooms have an adult in them to make surethey don't bully each other via that. This was just the teacher showing us all how little we know.

[Mingwan]

was hoping to read a story where your kid was being bullied, then you and your kid went and beat the kid up during recess.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by Mingwan

was hoping to read a story where your kid was being bullied, then you and your kid went and beat the kid up during recess.

I have totally impressed you. Not sure that's the word to use but I'm going enjoy the positive feel of it behind my screen.

[Captain Blood]

Originally Posted by Mingwan

was hoping to read a story where your kid was being bullied, then you and your kid went and beat the kid up during recess.

Kinda like "Christmas Story", where Ralphie takes out the bully?

[Dang3r]

Originally Posted by Real Dodger

Kinda like "Christmas Story", where Ralphie takes out the bully?

Yeah, at first, but then he sent him to the "Bully beatdown" show

[Lups]

Originally Posted by Dang3r

Yeah, at first, but then he sent him to the "Bully beatdown" show

I have no clue what you two are on about.

[Dang3r]

Originally Posted by Lups

I have no clue what you two are on about.

I can help you out for my text: There was a show on TV were some ppl could adress some backdraft to their former bullies from school. The moderator went up to them and offered a lection for them, they had to face a martial arts fighter who had beaten the sh*t outta them, that was public and very very painful for the bulli.
Oh, he got the chance to get away with $5000 if he survives 60 seconds but that never happens.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by Dang3r

I can help you out for my text: There was a show on TV were some ppl could adress some backdraft to their former bullies from school. The moderator went up to them and offered a lection for them, they had to face a martial arts fighter who had beaten the sh*t outta them, that was public and very very painful for the bulli.
Oh, he got the chance to get away with $5000 if he survives 60 seconds but that never happens.

That sounds like fun, what a wonderful way to teach the kids violence solves all.