04-19-2006, 07:49 PM | #1 |
Lack of charisma can be fatal...
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Drives: 2006 330i
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Portland, Oregon USA
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Joke about Dogs V.S. Cats
Subject: Dog Diary vs. Cat Diary
As seen in a dog's diary: 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite! 2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite! 3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! 4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite! 6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite! 7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite! 8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite! 11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite! As seen in a cat's diary: Day 383 of my captivity... My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture and urinating on the bath mat. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this on their bed, or swallow enough thread from my captors mending basket to produce a trailing piece of fecal matter. I decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of the horror that I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan... Later, there was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. My proof is that the dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, as he speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. |
04-25-2006, 12:37 PM | #2 |
dreemcache
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Drives: 325i E90 Ti. silver Nav/iDrive
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Italy
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ha ha!!
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Appreciate
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