[samwoo2go]

Me and some friends went clubbing at Exchange LA last sat. It was fun, nothing too boring, nothing too exciting, met some girls, got some numbers, the usual. However the important thing to note here is that I got smashed and so did my ride.

the following part in red Im retelling you what happened from what my friend told me since I blacked out.

So club is over, we bullshitted outside of the club for a while with friends, flirted with some girls, got some hot dogs. Just being generally drunken douchbags.Time to go home. we get to his car, he realizes he lost his car keys somewhere, too drunk to figure shit out, he pulls out the valet key (g35) from his wallet, we get in and he tries to start the car. Won't start (it's not suppose to with the metal valet key) we think the car is broken but too drunk to figure it out. So we decided to sleep it off in the car for a while...

My friend wakes up shortly after, decides to call his sister cuz she lives like couple blocks from Exchange LA so we can go pass out at her place and figure shit out in the morning. Bust out his phone, its out of batteries. So he takes mine without telling me or waking me up, walks out of parking lot to get street names and directions, comes back 10 mins later, I am gone.

The following part in green I vaguely remember cuz im coming out of my black out but Im still smashed as shit and have no idea WTF im doing. I was in the drunken zombie mode.

I remember waking up in his car (while he was gone making the phone call) I fucking panicked (remember that the last thing I remember was smashing some shots with some bitches at the club.) I don't know what time it was (I dunno why I didn't check the time), where was I, first thing I thought was, I got too trashed at the club so they brought me to the car to sleep and went back partying. So I get out of the car and decides I am going to walk back to the club to find them. I never saw him and he never saw me.

I stumbled around like a drunken idiot for god knows how long, got lost, never found the club, forgot where the car was, so basically I was lost in downtown LA on foot. Tries to call him when I realized I should call him. NO FUCKING PHONE. Check my money clip for cash to use payphone or get a cab or something, no cash, no credit cards (I don't bring CC to clubs because I over spend) just ID. fuck...

So I keep walking around and yelling out for my friend as loud as I can but Im pretty sure I was whimpering. All of a sudden In my drunken adventure, I found a diner on the side of the street. 'samwoo...hungry...must..eat...'. I walked in, knocked over a magazine rack or something, then sat down at the biggest table they had in the corner. Waiter comes by brought me water and asked me what I'll have...

This is the exact moment I had an epiphany, my brain told me that if I order a shit load of food for my friends, then they'll all come eat when they get out of the club, then I find my friends, I find my ride, they'll spot me for food. ALL MY PROBLEMS BE SOLVED.

So then I tell the waiter I got 5 other friends coming right now and we all want steaks. So I ordered 6 steaks. All medium rare. All with mash potato. All with broccoli. The waiter left with the order. So then Im just sitting there sipping my water still in zombie mode. Then I looked up...

There was a clock on the wall and I squinted my eyes to check the time. IT WAS FUCKING 4 O'CLOCK. You know that feeling you get in your balls when the roller coaster drops? Ya, I just got that feeling and that shit sobered me up real quick (the speed of my sobering up can almost match up to the time that I blacked out and woken up to a cop interrogating me because apparently I broke in and stole some panties from a sorority house the night before...that's another story for another time) Reality came crashing down. I started a rapid analysis of my fucked up situation.

I have no phone.
I have no money.
All my friends have gone home.
I don't know where my ride is.
I don't know where I am.
I don't know where the car is.
I just ordered 6 steaks.
I have a DUI.
I am still on DUI probation, not even suppose to drink.
They guna call the cops.
Im guna get arrested for no paying and violation of probation.
My brain totally fucked me...
I am going to have to make the best of this situation...im going to run.

The following part is back in black because Im pretty much sobered up enough to fully remember.

I get up, act causal...act causal...remember to smile...don't wobble...walk straight damn it. Im almost to the door, I hear the waiter's voice from behind the counter "HEYYYYY" I take off in full sprint, shove the door open, booked it down the street, about half a block down, I turn around and check... FUCKER IS FUCKING CHASING MEEE!!! FUCKKKKK!!! I continue running and checking and running and checking, and somewhere between drunken running and checking I ate shit, landed on my hip (bruised it up pretty good, fucked up my knee pretty bad too) I get up keep running, finally after 2 blocks the fat waiter stopped chasing me (reminds me of this 1 time when I was a kid and a German Shepard chased me 2 blocks down the street and bit me on the ass) So then I stop running and keep walking.

Since Im more sober now, I manage to find the streets with numbers on it and I remember we parked by a low number street, so I walk towards that direction and keeps yelling out for my friend. Finally I hear him yell back my name, I got so excited and emotional I ran full speed towards him, tears flowing, arms extended ready to give him a jumping hug, then I ate it again and laded on the same hip. I got back up we embrace each other in the purest bro love I've ever experienced. He said I was lost for an hour, he was about to call the cops. I said I lost my phone and I couldn't call him. He then told me he had it and gave it back to me, I felt so happy because I totally thought I lost it, it feels like when you get a second boner 30 mins after fucking a hot chick. Shit just got real awesome.

So we walked up to his sister's. She made us some ramen and kimchee shit, it was bomb and we just chillin, talking, drinking some beers to mellow out then I started drunk texting people to see whos awake so I can tell them what happened. A while later I got a text back...it was a girl I just met at the club that night before blacking out....

She said she and her friend got too drunk to drive and they slept in the car in the parking lot just like us. Bunch of complaining about how cold she is and hungry and shit later, me and my friend try to convince them to come up to the pad, they said no, they didn't know us and it's not safe and shit, blah blah blah, 15 mins and 7 text later, they are on the way up...

They came up and they are drunker than us! fucking wobbling and shit and drunk giggling about some bullshit...Now Girl A is those Asian girls that is pretty skinny, no tits, no ass, face a 7, 8.5 if im drunk. Girl B is kind of chubby but you can tell she has potential in her face, and if she lost like 30lbs she would def be bangable. We gave them food, beer and bud...

Around 5, my friend winged me and put the chubby grenade to bed in the roommate's bedroom (not home) and went in himself. I ended up hooking up with the skinny one and 1 thing led to another and I ended up fucking her on the air mattress in the living room. I didn't wrap it cuz I didn't have 1 on me and my brain said it should be fine...

So then Im fucking her, very normal stuff, nothing exciting, she grinds like a pro tho, prob no more than 5 mins. then all of a sudden she goes "I want it on my face, give it to me on my face!!!" so then I am like FUCK. YES. cuz I never done that before (with permission) so I gladly nutted all over her face, and passed out before she even came out of the bathroom.

Open my eyes, it's morning. both of the bitches already gone, my friend told me he tried to bang the chubby 1 in the room (trust me, he really don't care) and that bitch kept on talking about her ex bf and blah blah blah getting the emotional drunk on, so they he just said fuck it and slept. As we were talking, his sister came out of the room and the first thing she says to me is...

"damn that girl you were with looked like a straight up HO LOL"

Then I got that roller coaster feeling in my balls again and my brain once again goes into rapid analysis...

She looks like a ho
She dresses like a ho.
She fucked some1 she just met that night.
She fucked like a ho.
She ASKED me to nut on her face...like a ho.
She didn't stay in the morning...like a ho.
She left without saying anything...like a proper ho would.
OMG SHE's a fucking HO.
OMG I FUCKED A HO WITHOUT WRAPPING IT!!!!

First thing that popped in my mind was HERPES cuz 1 of my friends just got hit with it no more than 6 months ago. I asked her if she has anything and she said she is clean and then she got mad at me for even asking her, and I was like "bitch u asked me to nut on your face, that's NOT normal!" she sut the fuck up real quick... I don't think she wants to talk to me again...

So now I have a doctors appointment to check for everything Friday.

So my question is if I come out negative for everything, would it be possible for it to be too soon to be tested positive for some stuff? like would some shit be tested negative now and all of a sudden positive 6 months or whatever down the road?

Man my brain totally fucked me.

[skinnycow]

all i read from this was "OMG I FUCKED A HO WITHOUT WRAPPING IT!!!!"

[CollinsE90]

^you might want to read his stories

in, eating and ill read in a sec

[burningchicken]

I stopped after the red.
You guys attempted to drive when you were too drunk to figure out if you had just broken your car?
Please go sit in your garage with your engine on and garage door closed.

[Nedim]

Thread Of The Year!

[DougLikesBMW]

samwoo is back thank the heavens...will read in a bit.

[choicez]

samwoo is back from his ban! nice!

dude, you need to get checked real soon. your dick might fall off.

[nightkhan]

lmfao

epic story is epic!

[c0nstant]

literally tl;dr

but i'll make an exception

[Chewy734]

WTF... is this the screenplay for Crank 3?

[c0nstant]

lol, good luck with your herpes

[BlackMoupe]

Best thread ever.

[skinnycow]

so i finally read it - - WOW what a story! Well, all you can do now is wait and pray to God you didn't catch anything =)

[CollinsE90]

your fucked

[immiketoo]

Classy...

[Want]

Full of win!

[BillLee]

not good man, not good.

[bmwmthree]

Originally Posted by burningchicken

I stopped after the red.
You guys attempted to drive when you were too drunk to figure out if you had just broken your car?
Please go sit in your garage with your engine on and garage door closed.

you have a DUI...*facepalm*
you guys wanted to drive when you're drunk...*facepalm*
you fucked a ho without a condom...*faceplam*

[bosstones]

Samwoo has had some pretty epic stories. Can't tell if this one is real or not.

[CollinsE90]

you should of told your friend to dip his dick in peanut butter, bet he would of got laid that way

[immiketoo]

Originally Posted by CollinsE90

you should of told your friend to dip his dick in peanut butter, bet he would of got laid that way

LMAO!

Or at least a BJ!

[lopealle]

woohoo sam is back