Best man speech/toast jokes..

Josh49 · 08-23-2007, 03:26 PM

Best man at my brothers wedding in a couple weeks..

What are some of the best wedding one-liners/toasts you have heard?? Trying to brainstorm as many ideas as possible for this thing and then I'll focus in on exactly what I want to say.. Any openers or closers are greatly appreciated..

I guess I'm looking more for jokes. I don't do the serious and emotional stuff.. Not that there's anything wrong with that, just not my style..

Josh49 · 08-23-2007, 03:36 PM

I've pretty much seen everything google has to offer on this matter btw. I guess I was curious to hear some personal experiences/lines that people enjoyed..

specialque · 08-23-2007, 07:11 PM

Instruct the Bride to hold out her hand palm down...
Have the groom place his hand over the brides hand, again palm down...
Then say to the groom, "Enjoy this moment, because this is the last time you'll have the upper-hand in the relationship"

nmulax · 08-23-2007, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by specialque

Instruct the Bride to hold out her hand palm down...
Have the groom place his hand over the brides hand, again palm down...
Then say to the groom, "Enjoy this moment, because this is the last time you'll have the upper-hand in the relationship"

eh, who hasn't been to a wedding where they've heard that one?

Josh49 · 08-23-2007, 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by specialque

Instruct the Bride to hold out her hand palm down...
Have the groom place his hand over the brides hand, again palm down...
Then say to the groom, "Enjoy this moment, because this is the last time you'll have the upper-hand in the relationship"

That's awesome..

CnoteMD · 08-23-2007, 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by specialque

Instruct the Bride to hold out her hand palm down...
Have the groom place his hand over the brides hand, again palm down...
Then say to the groom, "Enjoy this moment, because this is the last time you'll have the upper-hand in the relationship"

My best man did this to me at my wedding about 7 years ago. Prior to that day, I had been to at most 1-2 weddings so I definitely wasn't expecting it. The funny thing is that the photographer managed to get a shot of our expressions. Me and my wife had shocked looks on our faces, while the best man just stood there looking mischievous.

jon@themshop · 08-23-2007, 09:10 PM

Ending/Toast:

"To ________ and ________ may all your ups and downs come only from the bedroom"

or

"To _________ and ________ may you never lie, cheat or drink. But if you must lie...lie together, if you must cheat...cheat death, and if you must drink, then drink with all of for we all love you and wish you all the happiness that you deserve."

Couch · 08-23-2007, 09:44 PM

Like I've told everyone else who's asked me my opinion (never been a best man, groomsman ~ times) just wing it. Collect thoughts before hand, maybe write a few topics down, but when it comes down to it, it will just come out.

You'll remember stuff you never thought of. Everything will flow.

Good luck, best wishes to your bro and his bride.

hl0m4n · 08-24-2007, 08:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jon@themshop

Ending/Toast:

"To ________ and ________ may all your ups and downs come only from the bedroom"

or

"To _________ and ________ may you never lie, cheat or drink. But if you must lie...lie together, if you must cheat...cheat death, and if you must drink, then drink with all of for we all love you and wish you all the happiness that you deserve."

ive heard your second one before. it was from a movie right? sounds soo familiar. HITCH!!!

hl0m4n · 08-24-2007, 08:23 AM

am i right?

tdc · 08-24-2007, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jon@themshop

"To _________ and ________ may you never lie, cheat or drink. But if you must lie...lie together, if you must cheat...cheat death, and if you must drink, then drink with all of for we all love you and wish you all the happiness that you deserve."

The Hitch version is a tad different but it's a pretty old toast that it's based on.

"Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away."

Josh49 · 08-24-2007, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tdc

The Hitch version is a tad different but it's a pretty old toast that it's based on.

"Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away."

I like that point up until the drink part. Why not drink!?! I understand never stealing or cheating, but why say never drink..

Yep, from Hitch..

phantom330 · 08-24-2007, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nmulax

eh, who hasn't been to a wedding where they've heard that one?

Agreed, my wife did that one at a wedding a couple months ago, first time I heard it, but I figured she got it from somewhere. Be original, that's my advice.

rooster92 · 08-24-2007, 02:35 PM

Here's to getting Honor

Here's to staying Honor

And if you can't come in Her

Come Honor.

Josh49 · 08-24-2007, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rooster92

Here's to getting Honor

Here's to staying Honor

And if you can't come in Her

Come Honor.

ROFL!!!!

Her family would absolutely kill me!!!

Swoop · 08-26-2007, 03:11 PM

Actually, I think it goes...

Here's to Honor..[pause]
get on her and stay on her,
and if you can't cum in her, come on her.

another...

Here's to the women in high heel shoes,
that spend our money and drink our booze.
Though they may not be virgin's, that is no sin,
They still have the box the cherry comes in...

08-23-2007, 03:26 PM	#1
Josh49 Major General 254 Rep 6,664 Posts Drives: E90 325xi Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Boston, MA iTrader: (33)	Best man speech/toast jokes.. Best man at my brothers wedding in a couple weeks.. What are some of the best wedding one-liners/toasts you have heard?? Trying to brainstorm as many ideas as possible for this thing and then I'll focus in on exactly what I want to say.. Any openers or closers are greatly appreciated.. I guess I'm looking more for jokes. I don't do the serious and emotional stuff.. Not that there's anything wrong with that, just not my style.. __________________ E90 325XI, MYSTIC BLUE ON BLACK/ALUM, STEP, NAV, PDC, CWP, XENON, SIRIUS, ALARM, MUD GUARDS, CLEARBRA, CHROME GRILLS AND TIPS, VALENTINE 1 (HARDWIRED), HO CERAMIC 40%, 161'S, REAR FOG MOD, LUX 4.0, BLACKLINES, OEM PEDALS, MTEC FOGS, GRUPPE-M REP INTAKE. 156'S AND RUBBER MATS FOR THE WINTER.
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08-23-2007, 03:36 PM	#2
Josh49 Major General 254 Rep 6,664 Posts Drives: E90 325xi Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Boston, MA iTrader: (33)	I've pretty much seen everything google has to offer on this matter btw. I guess I was curious to hear some personal experiences/lines that people enjoyed.. __________________ E90 325XI, MYSTIC BLUE ON BLACK/ALUM, STEP, NAV, PDC, CWP, XENON, SIRIUS, ALARM, MUD GUARDS, CLEARBRA, CHROME GRILLS AND TIPS, VALENTINE 1 (HARDWIRED), HO CERAMIC 40%, 161'S, REAR FOG MOD, LUX 4.0, BLACKLINES, OEM PEDALS, MTEC FOGS, GRUPPE-M REP INTAKE. 156'S AND RUBBER MATS FOR THE WINTER.
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08-23-2007, 07:11 PM	#3
specialque Private First Class 37 Rep 191 Posts Drives: 2024 M3cs, 2018 McLaren 720S Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Connecticut iTrader: (0)	Instruct the Bride to hold out her hand palm down... Have the groom place his hand over the brides hand, again palm down... Then say to the groom, "Enjoy this moment, because this is the last time you'll have the upper-hand in the relationship" __________________ 2018 McLaren 720S MSO Onyx Black/Scoria Gray 2024 BMW M3cs Sapphie Black/Black 2018 Porsche Macan Sport Volcano Grey/Black 2014 BMW X3 M-Sport Carbon Black/Mojave Brown - Beater
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08-23-2007, 09:10 PM	#7
jon@themshop Captain 44 Rep 762 Posts Drives: BMW Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Los Angeles/Eagle Rock, CA iTrader: (8)	Ending/Toast: "To ________ and ________ may all your ups and downs come only from the bedroom" or "To _________ and ________ may you never lie, cheat or drink. But if you must lie...lie together, if you must cheat...cheat death, and if you must drink, then drink with all of for we all love you and wish you all the happiness that you deserve."
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08-23-2007, 09:44 PM	#8
Couch Colonel 146 Rep 2,900 Posts Drives: E92 335i Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Houston iTrader: (0) Garage List 2007 E92 335i [0.00]	Like I've told everyone else who's asked me my opinion (never been a best man, groomsman ~ times) just wing it. Collect thoughts before hand, maybe write a few topics down, but when it comes down to it, it will just come out. You'll remember stuff you never thought of. Everything will flow. Good luck, best wishes to your bro and his bride.
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08-24-2007, 08:23 AM	#10
hl0m4n Major General 2305 Rep 5,627 Posts Drives: BMW Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: NY iTrader: (58)	am i right?
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08-24-2007, 02:35 PM	#14
rooster92 full time lurk mode 2 Rep 64 Posts Drives: several cars Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: WA iTrader: (0)	Here's to getting Honor Here's to staying Honor And if you can't come in Her Come Honor. __________________ The edge... There is no honest way to explain it, because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.
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08-26-2007, 03:11 PM	#16
Swoop Resident Noob 138 Rep 1,911 Posts Drives: You Crazy w/ My Rear Fogs Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Manhattan Beach, California iTrader: (6) Garage List 2007 335i [0.00] 2004 Acura TSX [0.00]	Actually, I think it goes... Here's to Honor..[pause] get on her and stay on her, and if you can't cum in her, come on her. another... Here's to the women in high heel shoes, that spend our money and drink our booze. Though they may not be virgin's, that is no sin, They still have the box the cherry comes in... __________________ A/W 335i e90 l Sirius l M6 Wheels l M5 Bumper l Eibachs l 20% Tint l CPE Exhaust & Standback l BLK Matte Trim l Xenon Interiors l Lux 4.0 l 8000k D1S l MTEC H7/H11s l Invisibulbs l BLK Matte Grill l Blacklines l Alum Pedals l Splt Armrest l Rear Fogs l RBT l K&N
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