[ryan stewart]

Originally Posted by shoei

"It's cheaper to keep her." - Judas Iscariot

On the flip I have heard, "Divorces cost so much because they are worth it."

[Alfisti]

I dunno man, it's not the money, it's the optics that you can live without your daughter whilst your wife cannot so you're starting from a position of weakness custody wise.

If it gets messy, the other side will claim what's best for the child is the home she knows, and you know, the mother just happens to be there.

I would ride it out.

[dtox9]

Originally Posted by ryan stewart

On the flip I have heard, "Divorces cost so much because they are worth it."

^^^ THIS ^^^

In my case anyway... cost me just about everything (literally)...
These days I'm MUCH happier than I EVER was in the past.

Starting over doesn't have to mean you lost...
It simply can mean that you're one step closer to getting it right!

[zx10guy]

Originally Posted by nick46

Yes, I've had a very constructive meeting with a solicitor and i guess our laws must be slightly different to what you guys have over the pond. I've been told it won't make any difference to the divorce at all. I won't lose any claim on the house.
So as soon as a suitable place comes up, I'm off out of it. As it happens I've found an ideal place nearby. Just waiting to hear back from the agent. Fingers crossed its still available.

You're not comprehending what a bunch of us are telling you. We're advising you about abandonment which has nothing to do with property division. It's about how things will shake out with matters around custody of your child. Did you ask your attorney specifically about this issues with custody if you were to vacate the family home? I really find it hard to believe the laws there would not take that into account in determining division of custody.

[nick46]

There will be no issues with custody of my daughter. Thats already sorted.

[upstatedoc]

You have a lawyer right? Who sorted out custody? Did you move back into your home?You are the male in the relationship, you're at the disadvantage. You asked for advice. Many members here with similar experiences.Tell me you didn't hire a mediator?

[Tambohamilton]

I like that Nick appears to be the calmest person in this thread, amidst the panic from others about how family law operates in the USA

[Alfisti]

FWIW my wife is Canadian and we use the Westminster system.

The panic, so to speak, is that we have all seen things start nice and friendly then the women hires a gun lawyer and shafts the man for leaving the house. Once money becomes an issue, people get nasty. Not always, but it does happen.

[heitzke]

Originally Posted by Tambohamilton

I like that Nick appears to be the calmest person in this thread, amidst the panic from others about how family law operates in the USA

Hahha same here. I absolutely have not a clue how UK laws work so all I can do is commiserate on how it's a tough process.

Only advice I could give that might be helpful is going ahead and finding a therapist for yourself and/or your child as well. Regardless of how amicable or smooth it can be there's some trauma to work through that you won't want to carry on with you.

Same with your child. My second wife had two children and despite being very good natured there were some longterm effects from her previous divorce that took a while to work through.

I know it's not necessarily popular advice either but it's 1000% worth the investment in yourself and mental health to be able to work through any part of this that still hurts or might hurt in the future.

[zx10guy]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

FWIW my wife is Canadian and we use the Westminster system.

The panic, so to speak, is that we have all seen things start nice and friendly then the women hires a gun lawyer and shafts the man for leaving the house. Once money becomes an issue, people get nasty. Not always, but it does happen.

I beg to differ on the bolded. It's more often than not that divorces turn nasty. Especially when family laws are stacked against the men. The laws are written where women are not incentivized to behave civilly. It's no coincidence that the vast majority of child custody, alimony, and child support goes to the woman.

[UncleWede]

My dad represented me. He is a family-law specialist. He even did criminal divorces (I don't even know)

When it came time for dividing the property, he was asking me questions like:
"How much do you spend on dry cleaning?"
"~$50"
"Per month?"
"No, per year"
"Nobody will question $50/month"
"But she doesn't want anything"
"Right now"



I got LUCKY. She really didn't want anything.

[nick46]

Originally Posted by heitzke

Hahha same here. I absolutely have not a clue how UK laws work so all I can do is commiserate on how it's a tough process.

Only advice I could give that might be helpful is going ahead and finding a therapist for yourself and/or your child as well. Regardless of how amicable or smooth it can be there's some trauma to work through that you won't want to carry on with you.

Same with your child. My second wife had two children and despite being very good natured there were some longterm effects from her previous divorce that took a while to work through.

I know it's not necessarily popular advice either but it's 1000% worth the investment in yourself and mental health to be able to work through any part of this that still hurts or might hurt in the future.

Thats good advice, but ive got a great support network around me. I've been talking about it lots to friends, family and work colleagues. All have been great, and talking about it has really helped me to stay positive. I've encouraged my daughter to talk about it as well and explained how much it has helped me. I've told her to ask any questions she will have. Ask me, her mum, her grandparents, teachers at school, friends etc and we will all do our best to answer those questions.
I'm going to involve her as much as possible for my impending exit from the family home by taking her to view properties with me, helping me pick stuff for me new home etc, just to help her get used to the idea and so when the day does come for me to leave it won't be so hard for her.
I will be keeping an extra eye on her to make sure she's ok and when she goes back to school after the summer break I'll be explaining the situation to her teachers and getting them to keep an extra eye on her and maybe talk to her about it all.
She will have plenty of help and support to get her through this tough time. Just got to stay positive.

[Torgus]

This whole thread is a dumpster fire. Again, I can't believe the OP would take advice from strangers vs his legal counsel who has 100x more experience than anyone on here who is not a divorce attorney.

"But Mr. Lawyer the people on the internet told me this!"

Literally what you are typing here on a public forum, facebook, any social media could be used against you potentially. Take these guys advice:

STFU and listen to your lawyer.

I know someone who just went through this. He was told NEVER post on social media, respond to a txt message from wife or her friends and family etc. NOTHING in writing. Stop fucking yourself over basically. It does not matter how great you think your divorce is going to be or how easy it will go just STFU and let the lawyers do their thing. This is now a legal issues not feelings/cares/thoughts or what feels 'right'.




But mainly ignore advice from internet strangers and listen to your counsel.

[DocL]

When my first wife was cheating and I kicked her out, I was given the option to be a widower. No kids fortunately. Just saying.

[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by DocL

When my first wife was cheating and I kicked her out, I was given the option to be a widower. No kids fortunately. Just saying.

[Tambohamilton]

Originally Posted by Torgus

This whole thread is a dumpster fire. Again, I can't believe the OP would take advice from strangers vs his legal counsel who has 100x more experience than anyone on here who is not a divorce attorney.

"But Mr. Lawyer the people on the internet told me this!"

Literally what you are typing here on a public forum, facebook, any social media could be used against you potentially. Take these guys advice:

STFU and listen to your lawyer.

I know someone who just went through this. He was told NEVER post on social media, respond to a txt message from wife or her friends and family etc. NOTHING in writing. Stop fucking yourself over basically. It does not matter how great you think your divorce is going to be or how easy it will go just STFU and let the lawyers do their thing. This is now a legal issues not feelings/cares/thoughts or what feels 'right'.




But mainly ignore advice from internet strangers and listen to your counsel.

"Don't listen to them; listen to me!"

[UncleWede]

I was SURE aguywalksintoabar was the resurrection agent

[Le Patron1]

The best advice I can give is hire an aggressive attorney!!! The mistake I made was dodging the bombs and not throwing them!!!!Be on the offense and not the defense

[ezaircon4jc]

Originally Posted by PTkummae

I know how hard it is. I am sorry for you both. But you can try to get a legal speration. In a lot of countries you can do that and it is much comfortable.

Originally Posted by UncleWede

I was SURE aguywalksintoabar was the resurrection agent

Originally Posted by Le Patron1

The best advice I can give is hire an aggressive attorney!!! The mistake I made was dodging the bombs and not throwing them!!!!Be on the offense and not the defense

You guys know this thread is 8 months old, right. I'm sure this was finalized months ago.

[aguywalksintoabar]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

I was SURE aguywalksintoabar was the resurrection agent

Not me this time. I'm gonna hold off the resurrections.

[aguywalksintoabar]

Since we're all here..
nick46 how you holding up?

[Esteban]

Originally Posted by aguywalksintoabar

Since we're all here..
nick46 how you holding up?

I'm here. 47 years this July. What's divorce?

Kidding. I know. I just got lucky. Luck of the Irish.🍀